Who’s Your Boss?

I have recently learnt the importance of having a good leader or “boss” in the workplace. Someone who wants the best for you, sees potential in your work, and encourages you to be better. I have been unfortunate to be stuck under someone who lacked all these qualities for the last three years. I stuck it out, thinking it would get better, but I should have walked away at the first signs of verbal abuse and degradation. I assumed that if I worked really hard, I would change his mindset about me.

His mindset?

• I did not deserve the position I was in — he assumed I was benefitting from affirmative action.
• I lacked basics, and he should not waste so much time on me as I was a lost cause.
• I should be grateful for what I already have and should not be too greedy for more.

My mindset?

• I would work really hard to prove him wrong.
• I would try to outdo my counterparts who he assumes are far ahead of me.
• I would…..show him? Very juvenile, I know, but I was really irate at this point.

The result?

• I ended up burnt out from overworking and overanalyzing problems.
• I ruined my physical and mental health.
• I lost focus of the dreams that I had before I started working under him.
• I lost friends and my family because nobody wants to hang out with a perpetually irritable person.
• I still did not achieve my goal of “showing him.” You can’t please someone who has already made up their mind about you.

The way forward?

• I switched bosses.
• I am in the process of getting my life back, first stop — the gym. Overeating being a byproduct of depression is a real thing.
• I am in therapy and will continue with it for the foreseeable future.
• I will stop comparing my journey to that of others.
• I would be nicer to my friends and family. Isolation is tempting when going through hard times, but it only exacerbates the problems being faced.
• Finally, I would love myself more and not seek validation from other people.

If you are in a position of power, please re-evaluate your mentoring methods and judge its effectiveness by your subordinates' quality of life. It would seem like a waste of time, and you might have received the same treatment from your own boss and therefore normalized this toxic behavior; but, your mentee’s mental health and overall workplace atmosphere would be thankful for it.

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